Interview with Self-Discovery and Confidence Coach,
Alisha Skeel
Season 1 Episode 6 of Better Relationships After Baby Podcast
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Show Notes and Helpful Links:
This episode is sponsored by Good Clean Love. Check out a natural approach to sexual enjoyment and vaginal care here: https://bit.ly/WTFGoodcleanlove
Looking to grow yourself and your relationship? Explore coaching with me here.
About Alisha Skeel:
Alisha Skeel (she/her) is a self-discovery and confidence coach to over-burdened, do-it-all millennials who feel like they’ve lost themselves along the way. Her mission is to support you in getting back in touch with who you really are, so that you can confidently live a life that lights you up.
https://www.instagram.com/alisha.skeel.coaching/
TLDR Podcast Notes
- Our inner voice of confidence (or lack of) impacts the way we interact with our partners
- Entering motherhood awakens us in new ways and it takes time and support to navigate those new waters
- When we grow our confidence, we improve our social and romantic relationships
- Trusting ourselves and our intuition helps us show up for those in our family as well as ourselves.
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Transcription of this episode:
Chelsea
Welcome back parents, I am really excited to dive into this week’s topic and to share our guests with you this week. Something that I was completely underprepared for was how much my just personal identity and competence would take a hit after entering motherhood, a lot of floundering trying to figure out who I was swimming through the sea of Instagram comparisons and trying to keep up with all the pressures of being a mom. And it wasn’t until a couple of years down the line that I really put two and two together to realize that it was also impacting my relationship, it was impacting the way that I did or did not connect with my husband, the way I presented myself the way I thought about myself during intimacy, social gatherings, I mean, so many things.
So that is why I’m super excited to introduce our guests tonight. It is Alisha Skeel. And if you guys know the kind of person that you’re just like, please let me be around them because their energy permeates and helps me to be a happier person. That is what Alisha is like. And it is no coincidence that she is going to be talking about confidence and how our personal competence impacts our journey and motherhood and also the journey of our relationship as we become parents. So Alisha, I’m gonna pass over to you and let you tell us a little bit about yourself, your family and your work before we get into some of the juicy conversation around competence.
Alisha Skeel
Thank you so much, Chelsea, I’m so so so excited to be chatting with you about this today. One topic I feel like I would have never dreamed of speaking on. Was this five years ago. But yes, I am Alicia. I am a mom, I am a wife. I am a friend to many wonderful humans. And I’m also a self discovery and confidence coach. So How coincidental that I’m speaking here today. I tend to work with overburdened do it all millennials who have like lost touch with themselves along the way. So very much going into that confidence piece of like, how can you have confidence when you don’t even know who you are? Right, which I feel like we’re gonna get into today. So that’s a little bit about what I do for work.
My family, my husband and I have been together quite a long time. So we met in middle school, we finally started dating when I was a senior in high school. So we’ve been together about 16 years, I think, 1617 years at this point. So we’ve gone through a lot of these transformations together. And the biggest one, I would say definitely happening when we both became parents. I feel like even if you start to step into your confidence a little bit, as an adult, even getting married at 21, I was still starting to figure that out. But it’s like, boom, you become a parent. And all of that confidence goes out the window, because no one knows what they’re doing. Right. So it’s really taken me some time to find my way back to myself.
As a recovering Good girl, as someone who grew up in the church and had no original thoughts for a very long time. It’s really taken me a while to say like, Hey, this is who I am. This is what I stand for. And show up as my real self. Yeah, every single day. And also recognizing that that changes day to day, which I feel like is another piece of this. It’s not like confidence just happens overnight, and then you stay confident forever, right. So that’s a little bit of my background, kind of where I’m at. But I am so excited to chat through this with you today.
Chelsea
Oh my gosh, me too. And for our listeners, I was just telling Alisha before we started recording that today. Coincidentally It was a day for me where I was like man, I have done so much confidence work. And it just has kind of hit me today with some of those same doubts and fears and voices in my head. And so I think it’s really important what you said that we are on this continual journey and we make so much progress. When we’re able to really focus our intentions and return back to ourselves. I love how you said that. And if you’re listening, and you’re like I’ve done this work before, or I thought that I should be farther by now, or this shouldn’t still be an issue for me, just a gentle reminder that we all go through seasons and cycles, and that healing is not linear. And we get to kind of ride the waves and get a little better at staying on the board as we ride the waves every time.
Alisha
Yes, yes, exactly.
Chelsea
So you recently shared a post and you were talking about, it was a picture of you as a little girl, and you were just like fiery and excited. And there was no doubt that it was you in the picture. And you were talking about the years that it took to reawaken or reconnect with that version of you. Why did you write that? Like, what brought about that reflection? And why do you think that this kind of version of our younger selves comes to play?
Alisah
Yeah, I mean, I am a firm believer in the fact that we all have this little version of us living inside, that was just this magnificent version of who we were before the world got to us. So it’s like, that was the version of me, I think I was maybe five years old. In that photo, we were, you know, baking cookies, and I had my my hands all like, up in the flour. And I was just like, having the best time. And it was just so clear to me that that was before I started believing that I wasn’t good, that my body wasn’t good, that I should be quiet, that I should be small. But all of these things that these people around me, were telling me through the media, through, you know, all of these different types of stories, not just from people I trust, but from society, you pick up so much as you grow. And you believe that it’s normal. And that that’s what it’s supposed to be because you don’t have anyone telling you or showing you sometimes modeling for you anything differently. So that was the version of me and just seeing that photo, it just like brought up this bubble of like, oh my gosh, I see you, you’re still in there, we’re starting to reconnect. And it can be painful sometimes to touch back on that part of yourself. Because you feel a little bit sometimes like you’ve maybe betrayed them or let them down or, you know, all of these different things. So really taking the time to say hello to your little self and try and remind yourself of like, hey, remember when this was just really fun before people told us? We weren’t good at it? Or this is stupid. Why do you like this? And really, just exploring that with curiosity can be a really wonderful experience and getting back to yourself.
Chelsea
Yeah, yeah, that curiosity in that almost all of ourselves in that way is so precious. And I know that that happens through many seasons of life, but I want to talk specifically about entering motherhood. And I wonder if you have any memories of what your confidence kind of story and evolution was through becoming a mother?
Alisha
Yes. Oh, gosh, absolutely. So I would say that I am. Anyone who knows me, I feel like knows that I am a planner. Through and Through. I love to plan I love to research. I love to have everything in my head before something happens. And motherhood was no exception to that. I feel like I read every book, I listened to every podcast. I’m very interested in psychology and child psychology. So it was a lot of you know, what’s the absolute best way to raise your child and how to speak to them and trying so hard to craft myself as a mother into what I believed I was supposed to be. And looking back in a way I feel like I really admire my husband because he was terrified to become a father. He did little to no preparation and I say this level lovingly about him. But he just showed up and he was there and he did it. And he did it the best that he could every day he paid attention to supporting me. And I think looking back it was like this inch sting dichotomy between the two of us. And this also sort of sums up our relationship. He just goes with his gut. And he gets in there, and he does it. And he figures it out as he goes. And I’m very much a, but this is how it’s supposed to go. And then I get disappointed.
Because it’s, Why isn’t it going this way?
Why isn’t this easier?
Why isn’t this all playing out in the specific way?
And that I feel like sums up the first three years of motherhood for me, nothing at all went the way I expected, my birth did not go as planned. I have a child who I adore, but is very, very challenging for me. That never crossed my mind. I just was so sure that I would have a child that would connect with me and be just like me, and we would be best friends. And it would be easy. Right? Yeah. No idea where that story came from. But it totally shot my confidence. I mean, I think I wanted to go into it. And I was so excited when I was pregnant. To become a mom, I always wanted to become a mom. Right? Was like, also another should in my head. And then it happened. And I was like, Oh, this is no, this is not at all what I expected. None of this is right. Everything is wrong. I feel like a failure. And I felt like that was probably my rock bottom. That was where I had to rebuild from because I I completely lost myself in what I felt like was my failure as a mom. Yeah. And I didn’t know who I was outside of that. It’s like all of my life had been leading up to that point. Yeah. And then I felt like, all this confidence I had going into it was just wasted. Why be confident at all?
Chelsea
Right? Yes. Okay, I definitely want to pick up back on the story and what happens next, and how you have grown and been really intentional about that. But I want to pause on something that you said, because it made me think of how we might have two stories or two versions of confidence. I heard you talk about earlier, the kind of return to self learning your voice. That’s like this internal acceptance kind of confidence. And then I heard and fully resonate with the shoulds, and how things are supposed to look and what we get from the outside. And I think we confuse pleasing that image with confidence.
Alisha
Yeah, Yep, absolutely.
Chelsea
I never thought of it that way until you said that. But I think of the times where maybe I’ve even thought like, Oh, I’m really confident in this, because I’m really good at it. And it was still this like internal disconnect. But I was satisfying this external picture that I had in my head and trying to say that was competence.
Alisha
Yes, such a good point. And I had never even considered that until you. You said that too. I mean, the idea of confidence in general, I feel like as people make it out to be this big thing, like this big show and almost like a little bit selfish in a way. Like if someone’s confident, you assume they’re selfish. And most women would cringe at the idea of being selfish. Yes, God forbid that we are selfish. So yeah, that is a really interesting insight to kind of separate the two and understand that true confidence really is coming from you knowing, like your knowing knowing who you are, what you stand for what you value. So you can show up in those situations and say, I don’t need to please these sheds.
Chelsea
Man, but not like literally the hardest, like I’m having like a gut body reaction, even though I know that I’ve worked on that, but there’s like this, like hope but they’re not going to like me, but I’m not going to make them happy, but I’m not going to fit in or I’m not going to fit the mold. And, you know, I think we have sort of similar upbringings as far as being people pleasers and taking on outside stories and truths and just kind of rolling with it. And so busting out of that can feel like a wrestling match.
Alisha
Absolutely. And it leaves you thinking, but what else is there if I’m not selling To hear external validation and love, it feels like you’re being dropped from the sky almost. Yeah. You know, it’s like you were floating in this space, and then all of a sudden, it’s just like a freefall. You’ve got nothing to hold on to. Right? Yeah. It’s like, oh, it’s just me, oh, my God, what?
Chelsea
But I think, I don’t know, if everyone gets to the point where they’re ready to kind of buck the system and buck the belief I, I can’t speak to everyone’s truth from the outside, I think there are people who are just kind of fine floating along that it’s what it seems like, I’m sure their experience is something very personal to them. But I think there are a large number of women who enter motherhood, and say, Hold on, like, this just isn’t serving me and my family anymore.
And you talked about kind of hitting this rock bottom, and you’re not there anymore. And so there’s this, this space between, I think there are going to be a lot of women listening, who have entered motherhood, and now they’re feeling that rock bottom. And I want to just like, I wish I could put like some healing salve on these moms to say, I know that we feel like motherhood should be the most ecstatic. Make us complete kind of feeling. And so then if we don’t feel that we often add on another layer of shame and guilt for ourselves for not feeling that. So if if there is a mom listening, and you’re feeling that way, like I’m just like sending some healing balm to you from us, as far as acceptance and validation. Yeah. And also we want to talk about what does it mean to really uncover ourselves and gain our confidence? And then how does that play out for our families?
Alisha
Yeah, absolutely.
Chelsea
What’s that been like for you?
Alisha
Oh, it has been a journey. And I will say upfront that it’s, it’s definitely not one that I’ve done alone, I have done a lot of work on myself. And I’ve, I’ve really been at the core of the work. But I really feel like having a supportive partner who, even though he has no idea what I’m going through, like, fully cannot relate most of the time, he really tries to listen and pay attention as best he can. He’s been a huge help in, in this process. And my community, like, I feel like I’ve been really lucky to have some really wonderful friends who have challenged me and pushed me and just helped me when I needed it. But there were a lot of times I still did with all of that support, feel very alone in this process, because it really does fall on you. And what I’ll say up front is it took me a long time to feel ready to do this work.
Yeah. So that is one thing I always encourage people to do is like, go at your own pace. And like also understand that you do need to have space to do this type of work, because it is not surface level stuff. It really does require digging, and it requires energy. But the payoff is immense. Yeah. So really hitting rock bottom there. My husband pulled me up out of that. He, you know, helped me, he mirrored me well, to show me a couple of things that like he’s like, Hey, I’ve been noticing this has been happening, you seem really unhappy, you seem stressed all the time, just like reflecting a lot of that back to me. And I remember just like losing it just breaking down. And having no idea what to do with any of that. A big turning point for me was spending some time away from both of them. So he sent me to Chicago for two days to be with one of my dearest friends. And I remember standing on a street corner in Chicago with my friend. And it was just like a sunny day and we were just standing there and like quiet with all these people around us. And I it was like, I saw myself come back into my body. It was the strangest experience. It was just like, Oh, there you are. Like, I felt like I had been completely lost. And then all of a sudden I just needed a minute to remind myself off, like, I am a woman, I am a friend, I am a human. Like, I have feelings. I have thoughts, people are interested in those things. I’m interested in those things. And it was just, it was a turning point for me to say, you know, after all of this break down, like to repeat myself, in a way. Yeah. And I didn’t know who she was anymore, but I was like, I see you. You’re there. Yeah. And that was the start of my, my journey back to myself.
Which, you know, included hiring my own coach. And that was a really hard. Yes, for me. Yeah, because it was a very difficult investment, it stretched us financially. It took a lot of my time, it took a lot of my energy. But it genuinely, completely changed the shape of my life and got me more in touch with myself. But as I started going through this process, I just took it one piece at a time. So I started exploring the idea of doing things just to do them to see if I liked them, going on walks, doing watercolor, you know, singing in the shower, just like little bite sized things. Because making too big of a shift felt completely overwhelming to me. Yeah, you know, like, going to, I didn’t go find, like, join a new dance class or like commit to, you know, a six month program outside of coaching. It was just the little things that really started to bring me back to myself.
That really led me on this journey. And overtime, I started to say, oh, that’s who you are. Oh, I noticed you felt this when this topic came up. I wonder what you think about that? Maybe there’s something in there? Yeah. So it was a lot of pausing. A lot of noticing a lot of curiosity. And a lot of a lot of letting go. Yeah. So much letting go.
Chelsea
Yeah. So I want to go into that a little bit, because you talk about returning to yourself, but I think we have to. Also, maybe we get to I want to use that language, we get to choose who and how we go back who and how we welcome into our changed growth space. So some of the old mindsets, old patterns just didn’t have a place anymore, is what I’m guessing. And when you talk about the things you let go of, how does that coincide with returning to self?
Alisha
Yes, I mean, I will say, as someone who holds so much for other people, and always has, letting go is hard. When you find value in like you believe that you only bring value when you hold or when you show up for other people. It’s very difficult to let go of that. So I really had to start letting go of my idea of perfection, my idea of shoulds my idea of what what is best, or what I’ve been told is best showing up for other people over my own family, which I was doing fairly often I would go out of my way to show up for other people over my own husband sometimes because I knew he was there, like here or there. You know, that’s a that’s a safety thing for me, but like this person, I might lose them. So like I need to provide value by showing up for this person. Yeah. So learning to reassign that and instead say, Wow, I show up so well for these other people. How would that look if I did that for myself? And that I remember the first time I asked myself that question. I could not answer it. I had no idea what that looks like.
Chelsea
Yeah, I want to reiterate the language you used and just to offer that to our listeners to take on reassigning you or reassigning your energy you were reassigning your priorities you you use that word and I thought that that was a really powerful way to frame that. So I just wanted to reiterate that.
So you were talking about reassigning this energy and time and intention. And I think that’s a good place to start to get into what this journey looks like on a relationship basis, to people becoming parents for the first time together, both going through their individual transformation, both probably having some knocks and waves when it comes to confidence and identity. You mentioned some big aha, and transition moments for you. And I wonder if you can see how those things impacted how you show up in your relationship, how you did or did not connect mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, with your husband?
Alisha
Yeah, absolutely. I, I would say, he’s always, like I’ve mentioned earlier, he’s always challenged me beautifully, as a person. And I appreciate that so much about him. And he has always told me that confidence is the sexiest thing in the world to him. She’s like, I don’t care what you’re wearing, I don’t care what shape your body is, like, if you show up and start talking confidently about something to me, he’s like, that is the sexiest thing alive. Yeah. And that has always stuck with me, because he, you know, fell in love with me when I was still figuring that out. And yet, he saw that in me. And I find that really wonderful. But I will say it’s really, our relationship has only gotten stronger as parents as partners. Since I’ve really understood and been able to harness what I believe, or what I what I kind of have figured out works best for our family. And I feel like I can speak to that in a way that feels very true. And is kind of like, I know, what our non-negotiables are, is the best way I can put it. And, you know, sometimes he looks at things a little bit bigger picture than I do. And I get very in the details. And, you know, if we’re talking about how a day is gonna go out, or go go along, you know, like, what events are we going to do? Who are we going to see? Like, how much stuff can we squeeze into a day?
I am a huge advocate for our son, because I understand he’s got you know, a lot of sensory things that he’s had to, to kind of handle. And he just experiences life differently. He’s a very big person, as a little person, but like, it’s very big, he’s got big feelings. And I feel like, it’s really been a good experience for us to like, be able to speak to his needs and our needs, all within the same space. So I’ve learned how to speak up for myself and say, Hey, Parker’s got a lot of big feelings today. I also have a lot of big feelings today. Could you intervene? Could you like, Come step in for me or like take him to the park, so that I can have a little bit of a breather because I can’t handle this, the way that I would like to right now, I can’t show up as my best self. So that’s my way of like advocating for myself, which comes with confidence. Yep. Advocating is so so so hard. I feel like it’s so much easier to advocate for other people. And I feel like one of the first things we learn how to do as a mom is advocate for our children. That seems to come naturally to say like, no, absolutely. I know exactly what they need. And so it’s it becomes this thing of saying, but what do I need to and what do you need and and just kind of like all having the confidence to pull that up? Yeah. And speak to it in a way that doesn’t feel like an attack. Yeah. And work as a team like work as a unit to get through that.
Chelsea
Yeah. Yeah, I’m thinking about some examples in my own life. And when I was not confident when I was still, you know, really just like muddling through. Do I was more reactive, I was more defensive, I had a ton of resentment because of the things that I would play out in my head. But I didn’t have the competence to share. I had the self doubt I was criticizing my body, I was not, you know, I’ll even go so far as to say like, I wasn’t enjoying sex, because I was criticizing myself the whole time, I didn’t feel like I could show up fully. I wasn’t presenting myself as a full self to social engagements into friends.
And so I wasn’t getting the support I needed from friends, like, I could go on and on thinking about the ways we show up in lack of confidence, and how that really, I don’t know if we consider this in the moment. But that really impacts everyone around us. They’re receiving that. And sometimes we think like, Well, I’m just going to be meek, little me, and I’m not going to be confident that everyone will be so glad. And it’s the opposite. But it’s so hard to see in the moment. Where as you’d like, competence is sexy, like you said, and not only to our partners, but like, to friends to opportunities to making, you know, meeting a new mom at the park. It’s yeah, it has so many benefits. But we, I think hold ourselves back because we want to be the martyr the meek, humble person. Yeah. But it doesn’t actually have the impact that we think it does to other people.
Alisha
Exactly. Yeah, absolutely. It is fascinating to see the shift that happens when you start showing up as yourself, like, as a un un, filtered version of yourself. And I intentionally use that word, I feel like that’s a dangerous word to use in certain senses. But I really do feel like there’s some beauty there to show up and say, like, I’m going to speak on this thing, because it’s bringing up feelings in me right now. And I’m, I’m passionate about it. And I think going about life, knowing that you are going to make mistakes, and being confident enough to even recognize that, which that I feel like is the big struggle there is a lot of the lack of confidence comes from wanting to curate yourself for other people. And, you know, adapt your personality to like, fit better with other people to like, fit in to a mold. Yeah. And people really just want to know who you are.
Chelsea
Yeah. Oh my gosh. And that makes me think about how damn exhausting it is. to constantly be thinking about what you think other people are thinking about you like, oh, my gosh, yes. So much wasted brain space. And if there’s anything, you don’t have excess, isn’t the right word excess? If there’s anything you don’t have too much of Yeah, as a new mom, it is energy and brain space. Yeah. And here we are using it over menial things. Yeah, it’s really silly.
Alisha
It is a lot. I mean, it is amazing when you think about it all of the brain space that so many things in your life take up. And I think that that’s where it can become really powerful to just start to notice. Yeah, what you’re thinking about every day, and not in a judgmental way, but in a neutral way, like trying to bring some neutrality into it. Yeah, and just notice and say, hmm, I’m thinking about food a lot. Today, I’m thinking about, you know, how my kid needs to go to the doctor six times in the next month, and how I’m going to make that work and all of these different things we expend energy to and realizing that you’re choosing to spend your energy there, whether you realize it or not. You have the opportunity to say I need so you know, if your kid has six appointments coming up in the next month, great, write them down. If you need to get help getting there if you need to, like do all of these things, get it out of your head, more time that it’s in your head, the less time you have to do things like advocate for yourself or know even how you’re feeling today. Yeah, like even, you know, how many how many times have you skipped a day where you didn’t even ask yourself how you were doing?
Chelsea
Yeah, yeah, this is so good. Okay, I wanted to do maybe two more things. One, I wonder if you would talk a little bit about how your husband has responded to seeing your growth in confidence? Like, are there notable benefits and just experiences you guys have had together because of that. And then we’ll wrap up with, you know, how you get people started, if they’re thinking about their confidence journey, and it really is a journey. What are some tangible ways that they can start making sense of that?
Alisha
Yeah, absolutely. I would say, the, the confidence piece with my husband has been a, a touch and go type of journey. So I, anybody who knows me, knows that I will do my best to like, be honest, and not Candy Coat things, because I spent too much of my life doing that. A lot of times, I would say, I feel better. In our relationships, speaking my mind, I still doubt myself fairly often when it happens, because it feels so unnatural. To you know, in the moment, say, like, Hey, I don’t think that’s the right call, you know, say he’s just discipline is the wrong word. But say he’s like interrupting something our kid is doing. And I’m like, Hey, you don’t fully get the context here. But like, this is fine. What’s happening right now is fine. And knowing that I am like, bringing my confident, educated self in that moment of like, I know what’s happening here. I know, the context I need you to trust me is essentially what I’m saying there. He does not always like that.
So like, you know, bringing to this conversation, the piece that like, this isn’t always going to be easy, yeah, to speak up, it’s not always going to be welcome. But know that it is going to bring more honest conversations with your partner. And they’ll know what you’re thinking, which is a huge help to a relationship. They don’t have to wonder, there’s not this uncomfortable, steaming moment where you’re both mad at each other. But you have no idea why you’re not sitting there while something happens that you don’t agree with, which causes underlying, you know, detriment between the two of you. So it really does have so much payoff in small ways. Even if somebody ends up a little peeved? Yeah, at the moment.
Chelsea
What I think I hear you saying is that, even though it may be hard for one partner, or it may not always be, you know, a rosy conversation, you both know what you’re working with. We’re not doing this like illusive. What’s the narrative in my head? What’s the narrative in their head? We’re not guessing here. You are respecting each other, I think enough to both know what you’re working with and working on?
Alisha
Yes, yes, exactly. It really does come down to I feel like respect and honesty and just being upfront with one another. And confidence plays so much into that, because when your partner perceives you as confident, it, it can also cause them to maybe question why they’re disagreeing with you. Yeah. You know, they might say, Oh, that’s really interesting, and might give them new perspective. And it really does bring you both together in that way, and I feel like that goes in both directions.
Chelsea
Right? Yes. Okay. So much to think about. So for someone who’s, like, Okay, I, this is new to me, I was not taught to be confident. I was not taught to listen to my own voice. But I want to live a fuller expression of myself, like, that feels like a whirlwind. I’m grasping for straws, like, how do I even start listening to my voice and returning to myself and gaining some of that confidence?
Alisha
Yeah, I mean, that’s a great question. I will say, well, everyone’s journey is different. The biggest pieces that people typically jump off of is bringing some play and some fun back into your life. So, you know, I feel like when we become adults, we get so overwhelmed. And things get so serious, so fast, right? Especially when you become a parent, like so much of it is so fun, but we feel so responsible. This human that we’re now All constantly involved with every single day, right?
Yeah. So bringing a little bit of play back into your life and even exploring what that means to you. Like, if you don’t know what is fun for you start there. Because those little sparks, I feel like really start to ignite something in you, where you can say like, oh, that really made me laugh, or oh my gosh, like, I felt so free, right? And you feel these moments of that, and you just start to explore. So start with play, like really get in there and figure out what type of stuff just really brings me joy throughout the day. Like, I love a good sunset, I will drive across town to have a good view of a sunset, if I can help it. A little things like that, that you can find, without having to do a lot of hard hard work.
Chelsea
Yeah. Yeah. And I want to interject in there really quickly, because I think we are taught so much to be performers. And achievers like, something I’ve had to disconnect myself from ads that I work with clients on is that play doesn’t have to become a side hustle. Just that like sweet reminder in their play. It doesn’t have to turn into a side hustle, even though you’re a mom and a woman, and everyone tells you you need to have 17 side hustles
Alisha
Yes. Oh, my gosh, I am totally with you on that one. I think one of the biggest things I had to work on was making play and rest not an item on my to do list. Yeah, that’s good. And that was really difficult for me, I did not want it to feel like I had to schedule it. I didn’t want it to feel like I had to plan it. Because that takes work. And that takes energy that we don’t have. We’re like, God, this is so hard. Because I have to do all these things, I have to come up with these ideas. So that’s a great point, Chelsea, because I feel like what I’ll push home here is try and notice where it comes up naturally first. Yeah. So just just notice that curiosity, I will like beat that into the ground. Curiosity is your best friend. And just just kind of notice, like, if you are all out at the park, and you’re playing tag, and like, it’s really funny when your kid chases you a certain way. And like, that just makes you laugh, like, just embrace that moment, and feel into it. This for a second, like, really get back in touch with that joyful, playful side of yourself. And the confidence will start to come with some of the bigger things over time.
Chelsea
Yeah. So good. So good. Okay, I kind of just want to like hold you here forever, but I can’t. So let’s wrap up with this. Is there anything regarding your identity or your relationship that you just wish you would have been more prepared for in those early days?
Alisha
Gosh, what a big question. I think understanding that we are two separate human beings that have our own journeys and our own struggles and confidence issues. And it just understanding that while we are a unit, we are both first two individuals. Yeah. And I think challenging each other in like loving ways. has been the most beautiful thing along the way, because it’s just it reminds you like being reminded of, hey, you’re a person in there, and you deserve to have a voice. Even just being reminded of that sometimes as a mom, like a voice for yourself, not a voice for other people. But you deserve to have your own voice. Yeah. I think that that’s the biggest thing I wish that I would have known earlier is that like, not only is that a possibility, but also like I deserve that.
Chelsea
Yeah, so good. Such a good reminder and even mantra to to leave our new parents with so if someone wanted to soak up some more of your energy and learn from you, is there any place you love to hang out and share your journey York content your work?
Alisha
Yes, I am mainly on Instagram right now. So instagram.com/Alisha.skeel.coaching. And yeah, that’s where I’m at, I show up on stories just to say, Hey, if you ever just need some encouragement, I am your personal hype human through and through. So that’s where I am these days.
Chelsea
Perfect. Okay, and that will be in show notes too if you didn’t catch that as Alicia shared. But Alicia, thank you for your time, your energy, your wisdom and just for spending time with us today. It really is so helpful and just encouraging to hear moms share their stories, like I really think that’s what we owe each other is our stories and our connection. And the reminder that we’re not alone and we’re not broken as we navigate this journey. So thank you for bestowing that on us tonight.
Unknown Speaker
Thank you so so much for having me. It was a wonderful conversation.