Season 1 Episode 9 of Better Relationships After Baby Podcast
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TLDR Podcast Notes
- We can take care of logistics similarly to the way we work on a project with a coworker
- Taking care of expectations, duties, etc. takes away the little arguments and resentments that build up
- We make space for more emotional and sexy connection when we take care of the logistical
- A weekly meeting can help you and your partner share the load as a team more than ever
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Notes: Having a Business Meeting to Improve Your Relationship
Common problems I see that cause disconnect and arguments among partner include:
Common Relationship Problems for New Parents
Unmet expectations
Last minute stress
Taking the role of the default parent
Usually I find that partners want to be good teammates but lack of structure can leave people unsure and lacking confidence
One strategy I started using years ago in my own marriage and I now teach to my clients is having a business meeting with your partner.
Now don’t turn this off because it doesn’t sound “Sexy.” My goal is to help you have the communication, structure, and expectations in place to HELP SUPPORT you in having the capacity for deeper and sexier connections.
Seeing Your Partner Like a Co-Worker
I want you to think of a job you’ve had and a coworker that you have worked on a project with.
You and that coworker had to do a number of things to get the project completed and meet deadlines and expectations
You had to:
- Identify all the moving pieces that needed taken care of in order to complete the project
- Identify a timeframe and deadline
- Look at your skillsets and divy up tasks
- Get clear on what “Success” would look like in that project
- Communicate clearly enough to both have the same idea
- Trust the other person to do their part
- Check in and pivot as needed
- Take on personal confidence and responsibility to do your part
This is what I want you to do in your relationship.I want you to think of your baby and your home as a project and you and your partner as coworkers. - Get clear about all the moving pieces that need attention
- Get clear about what the overall values and feelings are that need to come through in your tasks
- Identify who is doing what based on skillset, availability, passion
- Repeat things back to one another for clarity
- Trust the other person to do their part
- Do your part
- Check in and pivot
Things You Can Discuss in a Business Meeting
- Appointments for the coming week
- Social engagements
- Desire for personal/alone time
- Chores that need to be done
- Upcoming decisions that need to be made (Sleep, eating, traveling, babysitters)
- Time to intentionally connect with one another
- Conversations with inlaws
- -ETC
How Business Meetings Can Improve Your Relationship
- It gets expectations out of your heads and into a space where it’s tangible
- It helps you both see all the moving parts necessary to take care of the baby and the home
- It allows you to see and honor what each person is doing
- It helps you take care of the logistics so that you can have more time for mental and emotional connection